BONFIRE NIGHT PUBLIC INFORMATION FILMS (70'S & 80'S)

Public Information Films - three words guaranteed to strike a chord of primal terror in anyone from the UK who was a kid in the 70's and 80's

These two minute terrors would creep onto our TV screens at any given point in the day (usually when there where a few minutes of spare air time between programmes) and proceed to scare the living shit out of a generation of little kids.

According to these films literally EVERYTHING could potentially maim or kill you - rivers, building sites, farms, carpet rugs (Yes - that WAS a thing), but most deadly of all was the night of November the 5th - Bonfire Night !!!!!!!!

Naturally, due to the combination of small children, red hot flames and handheld explosives, the makers of these safety films pulled out all the stops to terrify the little buggers into safe(r) behaviour.

Here then are some of the most memorable...

SPARKLERS - Picture the scene - it's bonfire night and a little girl and her mum are at a bonfire. The girl's mum gives her a sparkler, it goes out. The little girl goes back, picks up the sparkler and gets the wrong end. 

Her little hand burns !!!

The girl emits one of the most piercing screams ever committed to film !!!

The next day - the girl and her mum are out shopping and the mum is relating the sorry tale seen above to a neighbour. She gets a gentle ticking off from her mum who calls her a "silly girl". The little girl holds her bandaged hand up to the camera and looks mournfully at the viewers at home. The end.

That image of the little girl's bandaged hand became iconic and for good reason. Watching this as as a kid always made you feel like you'd just done something wrong and you where about to get into trouble (even though you'd done nothing more heinous than sit down to watch a Tom and Jerry cartoon). You literally felt the adults in the ad wagging their fingers at you and telling you not to act like a knob head around red hot metal that spews naked flames.Which I suppose was the entire point really...

NEVER THROW FIREWORKS - Ahhh Bangers. Surely one of the most hair brained ideas ever conceived - basically they where small explosive devices that could be lit and thrown, resulting in a loud, small scale explosion. Amazingly, these where readily sold in corner shops to children for a pocket money price in the 70's and 80's. Perhaps not so amazingly this resulted in lots of kids being burned, blinded or otherwise maimed for life, especially if they hit you in the face.

This film depicts just that - a pretty teenage girl heading out for a date gets a firework thrown in her face. She falls to the floor clutching her ruined features. Turns out the guy that threw the banger was also the guy that she was about to meet. I'm guessing a deep meaningful relationship wasn't on the cards after that. A word of advice to any horny teenage boys reading this - if you want to get laid, DON'T maim your prospective girlfriend by throwing red hot explosives in her face, it tends to be a bit of a deal breaker.

EYES - A group of mournful looking kids stand in a field as the sun rises. A haunting voiceover tells us that there's a boy alive today who'll never play football again because he can no longer see the ball.

The narrator goes on to tell us all the other things the kid will no longer be able to do because last year on November the 5th a firework exploded in his face and he's now more or less blind.

The kid turns to the camera and we see him wearing a pair of dark Stevie Wonder style glasses - the implication is clear, he's one of many kids to have been injured, as are all the other children standing in the field with him, bathing in the glare of a sunrise they can never see.

Simple. Effective. Haunting.

FIREWORKS - WHERE'S YOUR LAD TONIGHT ?

Not a lot to this one. A worried mum pulls a "worried mum" face as she contemplates what kind of ungodly explosive mayhem her precious little Johnny is up to as he goes out with his little scrote mates from the rough end of the estate on Bonfire night. 

Probably effective at the time if you where a parent, unintentionally funny if you weren't/still aren't.

DON'T MESS AROUND WITH FIREWORKS - A pissed off sounding teenage girl interviews a bunch of the aforementioned little council estate scrotes about thier encounters with dangerous fireworks.

One lad tells the story of how a banger went off in his friends's back trouser pocket. Is it wrong that I'd sooner actually SEE this rendered lovingly in 70's practical gore effects rather than just being told about it ? Probably...

BAD PARENTS - Speaking of showing and not telling - this little gem is the polar opposite to the previous entry, in fact it was so graphic that people actually complained and it was taken off air after it's first showing, only to return later in an edited version with the disturbing elements edited out.

It starts off innocently enough - a typical mum and dad are driving home from the shops complaining about the lad that thier son has started hanging about with (he's apparently a bit of a wrong 'un by all accounts). This gripping bit of kitchen sink soap opera is intercut with shots of a bunch of kids arseing about with fireworks. Suddenly a box of fireworks explodes in one boy's face...and this is where things get ugly - we see the kid's burnt, ruined face as he drops to the ground like a sack of spuds... What's worse - the kid then starts to twitch in what can only be described as a death spasm. It's probably the most graphic thing I've ever seen outside of an actual slasher film.

Turns out the kid was the son of the two parents at the start of the film - they arrive at thier home only to be told of thier boy's hideous fate by a horrified neighbour. Cue another example of "worried mum face" only this time it contains the grim knowledge that she and her husband could have easily prevented it with better parenting. 

The voice over then proceeds to rub it in by proclaiming that if your kids mess around with fireworks then you've only got yourself to blame. A bit harsh really seeing as most parents need eyes in the back of thier heads ninety percent of the time, but it kind of worked I suppose...

The unedited version is now on YouTube in all it's gritty 70's glory.

BLAST OFF

A firework is lit.

There's a countdown.

5...

4...

3...

2...

1...

BLAST OFF !!!!

Onscreen appears a photo of a hideously twisted and scarred hand with three fingers missing. This is no special effect...THIS IS REAL !!!

Utterly horrific, brutally simple and shockingly effective.

Well, that's the end of this quick look at firework safety films. Have a safe and enjoyable bonfire night, I'll leave you with some pictures of the man of the moment... Mr G. Fawkes.