CHRISTMAS LEFTOVERS # 1 (CHRISTMAS GHOST STORIES)- CROOKED HOUSE (2008)

DIRECTED BY Damien Thomas

SCREENPLAY BY Mark Gatiss

STARRING - Lee Ingelby as Ben, Mark Gatiss as The Curator,  Phillip Jackson as Bloxham,  Andy Nyman as Duncalfe,  Julian Rhind-Tutt as  Noakes,  Beth Goddard as Mrs Granville,  John Arthur as Coil,  Ian Hallard as Felix,  Jennifer Higham as Ruth,  Samuel Barnett as Billy,  Jean Marsh as Lady Constance,  Daniela Denby-Ashe as Hannah,  Derren Brown as Sir Roger Widdowson.

INTRODUCTION - After resurrecting their  much loved Ghost Story For Christmas series in 2005 and 2006 the BBC decided to go one better for the Christmas of 2008 and give us not one, not two, but THREE ghost stories over the festive period that year.

Forsaking the traditional Ghost Story For Christmas branding, we instead got a mini-series that went under the umbrella title of Crooked House. The series dealt with three separate stories all set around a mysterious haunted mansion known as Geap Manor. The series was broadcast over three nights - the 22nd, 23rd and 24th of December. An omnibus edition was then broadcast a few nights later. It's the omnibus version that I first saw (I was down the pub on the other nights) and it's the omnibus version that's available on DVD, so that's the version I'll be reviewing here.

The series was written by Mark Gatiss. A quick word about Gatiss here as my overseas readers may not have heard of him- he's a very well known figure on British TV and has been since the late 90's. He was originally an actor in the comedy horror TV series The League Of Gentlemen before turning his hand to writing for the revived Doctor Who series. He's since gone on to co-create (and act in) Sherlock (the show that gave the world Benedict Cumberbatch) and in recent years has taken over full writing/directing and production duties on the Ghost Story For Christmas series itself. Crooked House marks his first (sort of) contribution to the series.

Gatiss can be quite a divisive figure at times - he's basically become the BBC'S "go to guy" for anything even vaguely supernatural or horror related. But he does come in for a bit of flack for being "unoriginal" as his entire career seems to consist of him producing homages to older works. Personally I like his work and have a lot of time for it (and obviously lots of other people do too or he wouldn't keep being commissioned to make shows), I see him as a modern day "gentleman of horror" - it's true that he's a tad old fashioned but I don't see that theres anything really wrong with that, we can't all be "down with the kids". Plus he's clearly a huge fan of the horror and sci-fi genre and seems genuinely passionate about it. He's managed to make a living doing something he loves, good on him I say.

Anyway, that little preamble aside let's take a look at the stories themselves. Crooked House follows the format used by the old Amicus horror anthologies (i.e. a framing story wrapped around the various terror tales themselves), so we might as well start there...

FRAMING STORY - A young man named Ben (Lee Ingelby) finds an ancient door knocker in the front garden of his newly built house. Intrigued, he takes it to his local museum and shows it to the Curator (Mark Gatiss). The Curator identifies it as once belonging on the front door of Geap Manor - a large manor house that once stood on the site where the new housing estate where Ben lives now stands. The Curator teases that Geap Manor was haunted and that he knows many tales about the ghostly happenings that have plagued the site. Ben asks to know more, so the Curator begins to spin his tales of terror...

This is a strong and atmospheric set up with a cosily creepy atmosphere. Both leads bounce back the dialogue in a quick fire and entertaining manner, the central mystery is set up quickly and efficiently (not a second is wasted), and you can tell that Gatiss is having a great time playing the eccentric Curator. Gatiss has always had the air of a raconteur about him so this is the sort of thing he could do in his sleep, but it's good stuff all the same.

FIRST STORY - THE WAINSCOTING 

It is the late 18th Century.  Joseph Bloxham (Philip Jackson) a ruthless businessman has purchased Geap Manor with the proceeds of a shady business deal that ruined one of his partners (causing the man to end his own life). Bloxham is renovating the manor, however every night a strange banging noise can be heard emanating from the very walls of the Manor. What is hidden behind the wooden wainscoting that coats the house's walls and is it true that an evil house can attract and consume evil men ?....

A very strong opener this one, out of the three stories that Gatiss wrote for this series it's probably 'The Wainscoting' that most closely resembles an M.R. James style tale.

Philip Jackson is very good as the odious Bloxham who's the type of man who would literally sell his own grandmother if he thought it would in some way benefit him financially. He's arrogant and seems completely unaware of his own failings, needless to say you can't wait to see him get his comeuppance (which he does in spectacularly creepy style).

The supporting cast are all pretty decent as well including Julian Rhind-Tutt (probably the best Doctor Who we never had) as Noakes who seems to delight in taking Bloxham to task and calling him out on his various dodgy dealings.

In the end it transpires that the haunting is down to the recycled wainscoting in the walls coming from wood that used to part of the local gallows. A bloody stain spreads over the wall and turns into a living shadow that completely consumes Bloxham. The story ends in classic E.C. comics style - the evildoer comes unstuck via supernatural intervention.

It's nothing we haven't seen before but it IS very well done all the same.

SECOND STORY - SOMETHING OLD

Its the 1920s, the wealthy DeMomery family are now the custodians of Geap Manor. At a masked ball young Felix DeMomery announces his engagement to his girlfriend -Ruth.

The announcement proves troubling to Felix's grandmother - Lady Constance. For little does Felix know but the DeMomery family have been cursed to never see another wedding at the manor. Who is the ghostly bride ? What is her connection to Lady Constance ? And will anybody be left alive to celebrate the forthcoming wedding ?

Another strong entry this. It's got an authentic "roaring 20's" atmosphere (Gatiss gets the "period slang" spot on, something he's always been particularly strong at doing).

Felix (Ian Hallard) seems to be a slightly dumb character (he's from the English upper classes, so he's probably the product of generations of inbreeding) - he seems completely oblivious whenever he upsets his sweet natured fiance Ruth (Jenifer Higham) and is equally oblivious to the fact that his best friend Billy (Samuel Barnett) is quite clearly gay and carries a huge torch for Felix. He's basically an insensitive idiot.

The best performance in this little segment goes to Jean Marsh as Lady Constance - on the surface she's the severe matriarch of the DeMomery family, she harbours a guilty secret which itself is the reason behind this latest haunting at Geap Manor. Lady Constance's secret when it's revealed is a great twist that will stay with you.

Just got to mention the ghostly bride herself. Just look at her...

Utterly horrific. A great ghostly "villain" with her gouged out eyeballs. She definitely makes for one of the more memorable images in Crooked House.

All in all this is another really strong segment, sure - the 1920's "flapper" characters are all a bit vapid and annoying (but probably accurate) but this one's got atmosphere and chills aplenty.

THIRD STORY - THE KNOCKER

Having been told the terrifying history of Geap Manor, Ben asks the Curator what he should do with the ancient door knocker. The Curator tells him that's it's essentially worthless as anything other than a curiosity. 

Ben decides to keep the knocker and fixes it to the front door of his house. This proves to be a mistake, for every night at 3a.m. Ben is awoken by the sounds of someone...or something knocking at his front door. When Ben goes outside there is no-one there, however when Ben goes back inside he finds that he appears to have stepped into Geap Manor itself.

A forbidden door into the past has been opened by the knocker and what's worse something ancient and evil is coming for Ben, his fiancée and thier unborn child...

This final story basically takes the traditional anthology framing story and turns it into a satisfying conclusion in its own right.

In this story we get to learn more about Ben who up till now has acted as our eyes and ears into the history of the sinister mansion. We learn that Ben is a disillusioned school teacher in a dysfunctional relationship with his pregnant fiancée Hannah (Daniela Denby-Ashe). The two have (sort of) split up because Ben's not ready to become a father. The scenes between Ingleby and Denby-Ashe are strange as you can't ever imagine them actually being together as a couple - he seems very weak and hapless, whilst she seems quite stuck up and demanding.

This pre-wedded strife is taken advantage of by the supernatural forces of evil that are looking to ensnare Ben and his nascent family. Resulting in a time twisting conspiracy plot involving a childless nobleman from long ago and his evil necromancer assistant.

The scenes of Ben being menaced at 3 a.m. by dark forces are very well done (Ingleby does scared shitless absolutely brilliantly), the creature that menaces him (called The Abomination) is memorably scary and the final twist involving history being changed (for the worse, naturally) is great. It leaves the story open for further trips to Geap Manor in the future but sadly this has yet to happen.

RATING - Overall Crooked House is a satisfying update on the traditional Ghost Story For Christmas formula. I like how it apes the old Amicus anthology movies (of which Gatiss is a huge fan) but this does expose the one weakness this film has. That being that the Amicus films tended to have (at least) three stories plus a framing story. Here there's only two stories with the framing sequence essentially being the third tale. This leaves things feeling a little thin. It would have greatly benefited from one extra story (a Victorian era terror tale would have been nice). 

Still, this is a good effort and highly watchable. 4 and a half creepy Curators out of 5.

ART -