GHOSTWATCH (edited review) - (1992)

Yesterday I posted a review of the controversial 1992 BBC horror drama/hoax Ghostwatch. Unfortunately in thier infinite wisdom Google decided that this review included potentially "triggering" content and contravened thier "standards policy". As a result of this the review was placed under a content warning which requires readers to verify thier age before being allowed to read it. 

Obviously, this action pretty much strangled the review at birth (even I wouldn't be arsed to sign in and verify my age just to read a poncy review and I wrote the damn thing). Anyway, what you'll find below is an edited version of the review with all references to the things which cause these people to get thier knickers in a twist removed. Hopefully you'll be able to just click on this and read it with no hassle. 

I hate having to do this as I'm against censorship in ANY form and I don't believe that all the world's problems magically go away if you simply don't talk about them, but I also want my content to have a fighting chance of actually being read in an increasingly competitive blogging environment. So if you want to read the original review scroll back a day and be prepared to sign in as you jump though Google's hoops. If you're interested in reading the pussyfied version then read on...

DIRECTED BY Lesley Manning 

SCREENPLAY BY Stephen Volk

STARRING - Michael Parkinson as Himself,  Mike Smith as Himself,  Sarah Greene as Herself,  Craig Charles as Himself,  Gillian Bevan as Dr. Lin Pascoe,  Brid Brennan as Pamela Early, Michelle Wesson as Suzanne Early,  Cherise Wesson as Kim Early,  Colin Stinton as Dr. Emilio Sylvesteri.

PLOT - Halloween night 1992. BBC television launches a live on-air investigation into occurrences at a house on Foxhall Drive in London. The house is home to Pamela Early and her two young daughters - Suzanne and Kim. The family are being haunted by a poltergeist they have dubbed Mr. Pipes and are near to breaking point.

As the live TV investigation continues, Pipes begins to make his presence known and very soon the family and the terrified TV crew are drawn into a night of supernatural horror from which they may never return...

PERFORMANCES - Ghostwatch wasn't your normal type of horror film. It was a TV special broadcast "live" on BBC One on the night of Saturday 31st October 1992. Although it was broadcast under BBC One's "Screen One" drama strand, a great many viewers tuning in on that fateful Halloween night believed the show - and the events portrayed - to be one hundred percent REAL.

The reason for this ? The beeb only went and cast actual genuine real life TV personalities to host the show. Anchorman Michael Parkinson was a familiar face on British television at the time, a veteran TV broadcaster for several decades known for his slightly sardonic and gently crusty presentation style, he was a trusted and respected fixture. His presence here just serves to give the whole enterprise a vaneer of respectability that it probably otherwise wouldn't have had. After all good old "Parkie" wouldn't lead his faithful audience up the garden path would he ? WOULD HE ?

The other presenters where all equally prolific and instantly recognisable. Husband and wife team Mike Smith and Sarah Greene where ubiquitous presenters of light entertainment shows and magazine programmes, whilst comedian turned actor turned TV presenter Craig Charles (best known for his portrayal of Dave Lister in sci-fi comedy series Red Dwarf) was another trusted -if somewhat cheeky - face familiar to many.

The show followed a familiar pattern. Parkinson was the main presenter, Smith manned the phone-in segment of the show where "viewers" phoned in with thier own true life ghost stories, Charles had outside broadcasting duties (generally larking about true to form) and Greene had the less enviable task of staying the night in the Poltergeist infested semi-detached council house with the frightened members of the Early family.

The presenters treat everything like it's just a normal, everyday live broadcast (albeit with a more unusual theme). They make small talk, engage in friendly banter with each other and thier guests, Craig Charles arses about a bit more. Cheesy early 90's TV graphics are used as they interact with the festively decked out television studio. So far, so normal. Everything has that reassuring - if slightly bland - BBC light entertainment sheen that was so comfortably engaging to a lowest common denominator mainstream TV audience looking for a cheap thrill on Halloween night.

And therein lies the key to Ghostwatch's success and effectiveness. That cosy familiarity, those trusted friendly faces managed to completely wrong foot the majority of the audience. Once things start getting seriously intense a lot of people couldn't take it. The BBC switchboards where jammed with frightened and concerned viewers phoning in to complain about what they where seeing/express concern for the safety of the presenters/vent thier feelings about just how bloody TERRIFIED they where. Not since Orson Well's infamous War Of The Worlds radio broadcast has an audience been so thoroughly and effectively hoodwinked and scared shitless by what was basically a hoax.

Some of the other acting has retroactively been criticised for being "weak" but I think a lot of this is just down to embarrassed viewers (and TV critics) not wanting to admit they where taken in by it all, so instead they just point at the screen and go "oh look - there's a dodgy performance, it's OBVIOUSLY not real. You can't fool me...oh no, no, no, NO !"

Despite this received wisdom the actors all playing the fictional characters are FINE. Brid Brennan gives a convincing performance as besieged mum Pamela Early - she breaks down in tears in all the right places whilst trying to remain strong for her two daughters in the face of the mounting supernatural terror. Gillian Bevan is also good as Dr Lin Pascoe - a parapsychologist who has been handling the Early family's case, she's particularly good at handling some of Parkie's more barbed and sceptical comments when being interviewed by him. 

The two young Early daughters - Suzanne and Kim (played by real life sisters Michelle and Cherise Wesson) are the ones who get the most flack for being unconvincing but bear in mind they are kids. Show me a real life kid that DOESN'T come over as awkward on live television ? Once again, to me at least, this just comes over as being more naturalistic and only serves to further sell the authenticity of it all.

SEX & VIOLENCE - As the story progresses we learn more of "Mr Pipe's" background. It turns out that he's the ghost of a convicted sex offender who ended his life in the house's under the stairs cupboard (amusingly named "the glory hole", the term obviously had a different meaning in 1992 to what it does now). Pipes goes on to attack Suzanne at one point. Suzanne is left with a series of scratches all over her face, she goes into a traumatized, catatonic state. 

SFX - There are no "big budget" effects to be found here, after all that would completely scupper the realism they where going for if, say, a 20 foot CGI demon just randomly turned up and started stomping the house down.

Instead, we get some subtle blink and you'll miss them appearances of Pipes. You literally just see him out of the corner of your eye and then spend the next few minutes wondering if you did or didn't actually see him. It's subtle and very, VERY effective and was one of the aspects of the show that had freaked out viewers phoning the BBC in thier thousands.

We never actually see Pipes up close, but below is an onset photo of the makeup work they did on the actor playing him. Why's he got a missing eye ? That'll be because his starving pet cats ate parts of his body after he'd hung himself. Blimey !

RATING - Ghostwatch received a record number of complaints after it's broadcast (the great British public don't like being made fools of, even though they regularly act like idiots most of the time - see the "great toilet roll panic buying debacle" during COVID and most general elections).

Questions where raised in parliament regarding the BBC's responsibilities to potentially more vulnerable members of the audience. The BBC issued a public apology and Ghostwatch was consigned to the archives. It has never been repeated on British television and the BBC effectively washed thier hands of it. 

It has only been released on DVD (on a non-BBC label) in relatively recent times and is now (I think) available on streaming services. It remains an incredibly well done (perhaps TOO well done in hindsight) example of television horror, a subversion of audience's expectations and a prime example of TV going just that bit too far. Where the BBC right to transmit this ? It's not for me to say, more intelligent and well read people than me are still debating this over 30 years after the fact, and they'll probably still be debating it in another 30 years time. As it stands, from my point of view (for what it's worth) Ghostwatch is an entertaining, groundbreaking, atmospheric and revolutionary piece of horror entertainment. A perfect ghost story, a perfect televisual event.

5 cross dressing poltergeists out of 5

ART -