MUTANT HUNT (1987)

 

DIRECTED & WRITTEN by Tim Kincaid

STARRING  - Rick Gianasi as Matt Riker,  Mary Fahay as Darla Haynes,  Ron Raynaldi as Johhny Felix,  Taunie Vrenon as Elaine Elliott,  Bill Peterson as Z,  Mark Umile as Dr. Paul Haynes,  Stormy Spill as Domina,  Doug Devos as Hydro,  Warren Ulaner as Alpha Cyborg,  Mark Legan as Beta Cyborg.

PLOT  - The place - New York City. The time - The future.

An insane scientist known only as Z has discovered an alien narcotic known as Euphoron. Z injects the drug into a group of psycho-sexual cyborgs causing them to fall under his control, his plan is to sell them to enemy states overseas thereby causing a shift in the world's political power map which he plans to use to his advantage.

Unfortunately the drug has caused the cyborgs to mutate and now they are stalking the streets of New York, killing anyone they come across.

Only bounty hunter Matt Riker and his street fighting sidekicks - Johnny Felix and Elaine Elliott can stop the rampaging rogue cyborgs and the diabolical schemes of the man they call Z...

DIALOUGE  - Elaine - "I hate it when men save me !"

PERFORMANCES  - Long time readers of this blog (all two of you) will know by now that I've got a pretty high tolerance for utter crap. No matter how poor the acting, how shoddy the script, how poorly executed a film is, I can usually find something to enjoy or celebrate about what would otherwise be a terrible movie. Afterall, its this principle that Tales From The Backroom is built on, so surely Mutant Hunt won't prove to be the exception to the rule will it ?

Will it ?

Maybe...just maybe. Lets just say its going to be something of a challenge when it comes to this particular film finding much thats positive to say at all.

The acting is without doubt some of the most amateurish I think I've ever seen (and I've sat through some arse numbingly terrible performances in my time, let me tell you).

First up there's Rick Gianasi as the film's hero Matt Riker (he could only be a tough guy hero with a name like that couldn't he ?). Riker is supposed to be some kind of cool, devil may care, cocky tough guy. He gets the cheesy one liners, the "thinking on his toes" action sequences and the general louche demeanour typical of this type of character. In an ideal world (where this film actually had a decent budget) someone like Harrison Ford would have played Riker. Instead we get Rick bloody Gianasi.

Gianasi is terrible. He slurs his lines. He injects absolutely zero emotion into his character and worst of all he seems to completely lack the ability to look any of his fellow cast members in the eye. Everytime he's onscreen he stares into the middle distance and recites his lines like he's in a school play. He honestly looks like he's reading his dialogue from an autocue. It's really distacting.

Equally terrible is Mary Fahay as Darla who seems to have as much emotional range as a smashed brick. Like Gianasi she's clearly just reciting her lines. Theres no attempt to inject anything even approaching life into it. Aw well, at least she looks nice...

Don't expect much more from any of the other cast members either. Taunie Vrenon plays Elaine, a man hating nightclub singer who moonlights as a steetfighter. She also happens to be Matt Riker's "love interest" (well, he shags her at any rate) but Vrenon has absolutely zero chemistry with Gianasi, so even this subplot is ultimately pointless.

Perhaps the best performance comes from Ron Raynaldi as Johhny Felix. He at least tries to put a bit of life into his character but the bar is set so low by everyone else that's hardly saying much.

Playing the villians we have Bill Peterson as Z (probably one of the least menacing bad guys I've ever seen) and Stormy Spill as the mysterious Domina (who's supposed to be some kind of mysterious femme fatale nymphomaniac who gets turned on by cyborgs, but really she looks just as bored as everybody else does).

Oh...and just one more thing - why do all the cyborgs look like they're auditioning for a Kraftwerk tribute band ?...

SFX - By far the best thing about the entire film is the effects used for the damaged mutating Alpha Cyborg.

No prizes for guessing what the film's entire budget was spent on. This is actually REALLY good (it looks better than The Terminator for crying out loud). The other mutating cyborg effects are pretty decent as well as they ooze and melt thier way across the screen and into our stoney hearts. FINALLY something that's worth watching this shitfest for (told you I'd find something).

SEX & VIOLENCE  - Riker and Elaine have a tepid and uninspiring sex scene thats about as tepid and uninspiring as everything else about thier characters.

Earlier on Riker has sex with a "pleasure droid" but she quickly gets thrown out of a window to her death when the mutant cyborgs attack. She bleeds green gunk onto the pavement.

We get some absolutely terrible fight scenes that manage to be both over choreographed and really really slow moving at the same time. All scored to some typical 80's synth-rock thats much faster paced than the action we're seeing onscreen, which only serves to further draw attention to how slow the fights are.

In fact this seems to be what happens for most of the film's runtime. Cyborg wanders very slowly down some grimy New York back alley. Cyborg encounters some vagrant/young couple/street punks (delete as applicable). Cyborg murders them. Riker/Elaine/Felix (also delete as applicable) then turns up coincidentally and fights the cyborg in a way that looks more like interpretive dance than actual martial arts. Rinse and repeat. Many. Many. MANY times.

At the end Z gets shot and then flamethrowered to death by Riker (which is admittedly quite amusing).

RATING - Mutant Hunt has very few saving graces. As mentioned above there's some decent practical effects. Also there are some examples where the cinematography is on point and gives us some nice shots here and there, but really this has little to recommend it.

The acting is utterly dire. The story largely incomprehensible. No expense has been spared to make 1980's New York look like the dystopian future hellhole the script tries to tell us it is (LITERALLY no expense - it just looks like the filmmakers went out one night in 1987 and hung around a few dodgy 42nd Street nightclubs and alleyways and filmed them).

I would like to say its "so bad its good" but it doesn't even get that far. I suppose theres some dubious fun to be had here but you could say the same thing about sticking your genitals in a bear trap. 

2 and a half sleepwalking actors out of 5. Shite !!!

ART -