TV MEMORIES # 13 - FORTEAN TV

 As we saw in my previous TV memories article the paranormal and all things fortean where a big deal in the mid-to-late 1990's. Buoyed up and partially inspired by "X-Files mania" the British TV schedules where filled with shows (both factual and fictional) that where chockablock with ghosts, UFO'S, cryptids and all kinds of strange and weird phenomena. In 1997 Channel 4 decided to get in on the act with thier very own fortean television show called, funnily enough, Fortean TV.

Produced by Rapido Television - the makers of Channel 4's late night sexploitation show Eurotrash, Fortean TV took a more light hearted approach to it's bizarre subject matter than some of the other shows it shared it's themes with. Whereas shows like ITV's Strange But True ? adopted a more sinister and portentous tone, Fortean TV instead adopted a tongue in cheek air, it still treated it's subject matter with respect but wasn't afraid to have a bit of fun with it at the same time.

From it's great title sequence full of suit wearing lizards and B-movie style flying saucers it was apparent that this was going to be a show that was both strange, unusual and above all fun and quirky to watch.

The show was presented by Reverend Lionel Fanthorpe - a motorbike riding, black leather clad vicar and sci-fi writer from Norfolk. Fanthorpe bought an irreverent and entertaining energy to the show as he introduced each bizarre item on the show's menu and acted as our genial guide to the weirdness that lay ahead each week.

Each one of Fanthorpe's intros would be filmed in some crazy looking experimental style - sometimes he'd be buried up to his neck in sand, other times he be leaping about the screen dressed like a vampire, at some points there would be multiple Fanthorpes onscreen doing various bizarre things like levitating or spinning around on the spot in a speeded up style. 

This quirky visual style mixed with Fanthorpe's larger than life persona definitely added to the show's unique and off-beat atmosphere.

Most fun of all though was the fact that at the end of each episode Fanthorpe would play us out with a song. He'd usually be accompanied by various musicians of pensionable age playing an acoustic guitar. In the first series Fanthorpe's backing musicians consisted of a different player every week, but by the second series Fanthorpe was always accompanied by an old chap called Alf ("My good friend Alf" as Fanthorpe would always introduce him). Alf seemed to strike a chord with the audience and amassed something of a cult following of his own.

The songs themselves where a lot of fun. Fanthorpe would sing them in a baritone Norfolk accent and they'd always reflect one of the stories that had been featured on that week's episode. Amusingly they'd always be named after the thing they where about - i.e. if the song was about yetis it would be called "The Yeti Song", if it was about aliens it would be called "The Alien Song" - this became something of a running joke as the show continued and Fanthorpe always had a mischievous glint in his eyes as he introduced this week's song.

At the time the first series aired I was in my second year at Staffordshire University studying a Film and Cultural Studies degree (when girls used to ask me what course I was doing I only used to mention the film studies part as it sounded a lot cooler than cultural studies). I was doing the standard student thing of living in a shared house with my friends and we used to tune into Fortean TV every week without fail. I'd been reading Fortean Times magazine for a couple of years by this point and I'd gotten my housemate  - Jim - into reading it as well (he still buys it every month to this day too). So it was usually me and Jim who settled down to see what offerings the good Reverend had for us each week.

The first series aired on Wednesday nights and was perfect pre or post pub entertainment. Series 1 ran for 10 episodes and ran from 29th January to 2nd April 1997.

Series 2 was broadcast pretty much exactly a year later but was moved to a Friday night timeslot which meant that I didn't get to see as much of it as I was usually out clubbing in Hanley on Friday nights (Jim did sometimes tape it though). Series 2 only lasted for 8 episodes and was broadcast between 16th January to 6th March 1998. However, the following week saw the start of a spin-off series called Fortean TV Uncut. This show was more of a "best of" type of affair and featured highlights from the first two series along with new material. It was aimed at a more late night "adult" audience so featured several articles of a more sexual nature. Thankfully this show was moved back to it's traditional Wednesday night slot which meant I was able to see more of it. Fortean TV Uncut ran for four episodes (11th March - 4th April 1998).

Here then are some of the items I best remember being covered in the series...

One that stuck in my mind (for all the wrong reasons) was an item dealing with "surgeon fish". These were a rare type of fish that could be found in Turkey and would swim up to bathers and nibble away dead flesh from thier bodies. This was said to be beneficial to health and was especially handy for treating ailments like Psoriasis and Eczema but could also help heal other conditions. Naturally this became a profitable business and people would pay to bathe with these fish in the name of "alternative medicine". At one point we see a guy let the fish swim into his mouth so they can eat the plaque off his teeth. This struck me as being particularly foul - those fish could have been nibbling on a stranger's arse crack or genitals two minutes previously and now this blokes letting them swim into his mouth ???? It really doesn't bear thinking about...

One item that me and my housemates found pretty funny was some lady who claimed to be able to speak the language of cats. Basically, she just used to make cat-like noises (cue lots of confused looking moggies) and charge thier gullible owners lots of money to act as an "interpreter" so the pet owners could build a "better rapport and understanding" with thier felines. Naturally, it was a complete load of utter bollocks but was amusing to watch all the same.

The best part of this insanity is when the "cat whisperer" reads a bunch of cats a bedtime story. She tells them the tale of "Brau and Agg" - Brau the cat had wonderful testicles, Agg plays a joke on Brau and steals his testicles. Instead of being absolutely mortified (and probably in agonising pain) Brau seems to find this funny and deems this to be a "splendid joke". I'm guessing the story loses something in the translation. Apparently an old tom cat told the lady this story and it's a favourite legend amongst cats. The episode ends with the "Rapido Frog" (which appears at the end of every episode) emitting the word "Brau" instead of it's usual belch. For some reason this struck me as being particularly funny and was a great little bonus bit of insanity to end the episode with.

Onto the creepier end of the fortean spectrum now. One item dealt with a shrunken cursed skeleton. This was apparently the remains of a sailor who had been cursed by a witch doctor and shrank down to the size of a foetus. Anyone who touched the skeleton apparently died a horrible death. Seriously, this thing has been blamed from everything from fatal car crashes to heart attacks over the years and it's curse is apparently now being held in check by a psychic who's acting as it's "guardian" and pledges to have it buried with him when he dies so that it's evil is never again unleashed upon the world. I wonder if the psychic chap is still alive today, and if he isn't did he have the skeleton buried with him like he said he was going to ? We'll probably never know. I remember ITV'S Strange But True? also covered this story, albeit in a more self-consciously serious style.

Also pretty creepy was the waxwork of Adolf Hittler which had human hair embedded into it's scalp. For reasons unknown the hair began to grow and as a result the faux fuhrer regularly had to have a haircut. The cause of this phenomena was never established although it was suspected that enzymes in the wax reacted with the hair. Still weird though, as if Adolf Hittler wasn't troubling enough already...

Another item I remember well was the Chupacabra. A Mexican cryptid that attacked and killed goats and other livestock, draining them of blood and generally causing lots of distress to farmers. The beast's culinary habits earned it the nickname of "The GoatSucker". Nobody knows what it was to this day - an alien, a supernatural entity or some undiscovered natural predator are all common theories as to it's origins. This was one story which took advantage of Fortean TV Uncut's format - the original footage from series 1 was reshown but with added blood and gore showing more of the creature's victims.

The final piece to stick in my memory was an item about a dog that could hypnotise people. His owner would take him on tour of University Student Unions and hypnotise willing students in a stage show. This mainly resonated with me as it was just the type of low rent act that our own student union would put on when the entertainment budget didn't stretch to having any decent bands show up. Still pretty interesting though.

After the two (and a half) series had run thier course Lionel Fanthorpe returned for one last outing with a Christmas Special (called The X-Mas Files), and then that was it for Fortean TV. The TV landscape was beginning to change once more, The X-Files' popularity was starting to wane a bit, so that left little room for similarly themed shows to thrive. 

Thankfully the complete series was released on a DVD boxset last year, so we can once more sample Fortean TV's strange and wonderful delights. I'm also very pleased to say that Lionel Fanthorpe is still very much with us. He still makes YouTube videos about Fortean phenomena even though he's now in his early nineties. I Hope he's around for a while longer yet as he's one of the things that made this show as great and fondly remembered as it was.

To close out here's a photo of a Fijian Mermaid...just because...No doubt if Lionel Fanthorpe was to compose a song about it it'd be called "The Fijian Mermaid Song".