FESTIVE FRIGHTS # 1 - TALES FROM THE CRYPT (1972)

Admittedly this isn't 100 percent a Christmas movie - only one of it's stories is set during the Yuletide season (another one of it's tales does have a winter time setting though) but we ARE only still in November yet. So I thought this would be as good a place to start our "festive frights" strand as any. Let's crack on...

DIRECTED by Freddie Francis.

SCREENPLAY by Milton Subotsky based on the EC comics "Tales From The Crypt" and "The Vault Of Horror" by Al Feldstein, Johhny Craig and Bill Gaines.

STARRING  - Ralph Richardson as The Crypt Keeper,  Joan Collins as Joanne Clayton,  Martin Boddey as Richard Clayton,  Oliver MacGreevy as Killer Santa,  Ian Hendry as Carl Maitland,  Angela Grant as Susan Blake,  Robin Phillips as James Elliott,  David Markham as Edward Elliott,  Peter Cushing as Arthur Grimsdyke,  Richard Greene as Ralph Jason,  Barbara Murray as Edith Jason,  Roy Dotrice as Charles Gregory,  Nigel Patrick as Major William Rogers,  Patrick Magee as George Carter,  Geoffrey Bayldon as the Tourguide.

DIALOUGE  - The Cryptkeeper - "And now who's next ?" (Turns to the camera and looks us - the audience - straight in the eye, shattering the fourth wall in the process) "Perhaps...YOU ?"

 

FRAMING STORY (PROLOGUE)- During a tour of the underground catacombs of what appears to be Highgate Cemetery, five members of the group become split up from the rest of the party and wander into a Crypt. There they meet the Cryptkeeper who asks them if they've been having bad dreams lately. The five people confirm that they have been. The Cryptkeeper compels them to tell him thier tales...

A fairly basic opening that sets up the atmosphere nicely. Fans of the original comics may be surprised that its not actually the Cryptkeeper himself narrating the tales, but the film takes lots of liberties with it's source material anyway (the comics are set in America not Britain for starters). Fans of the 90's Tales From The Crypt U.S. TV show may also be disappointed that the Cryptkeeper isn't a wise cracking animatronic zombie either, instead he's just a normal looking old man in a monk's robe. However Ralph Richardson does a good job of injecting a sinister and gloomy gravitas to the role of the Cryptkeeper. This is an effective little set up for the stories to come.

STORY # 1 - "...AND ALL THROUGH THE HOUSE"

Joanne Clayton kills her wealthy husband on Christmas Eve. Her attempts to dispose of his body are interrupted by an escaped murderous lunatic dressed in a Santa Claus outfit. Her little daughter, excited for Christmas, spots Santa outside and decides to let him in...

A massively atmospheric tale of festive fear to open with. A very young (and it has to be said - very hot) Joan Collins gives a great performance as the murderous and cornered killer wife. She totally sells this character's fear as she's stalked by the escaped psychopath. The killer Santa makes for a memorably creepy villain too. 

The entire story plays out with very little dialogue, instead we hear Christmas carols playing on the radio. This is a really clever use of sound - it evokes the cosy and warm atmosphere of Christmas and acts as an odd juxtaposition to the bloodthirsty and tense events that we see playing out before our eyes.

My only criticism is that when Bad Santa catches up with Joanne the killing scene is a little weak. I think he's supposed to be strangling her to death but it looks more like he's giving her a gentle shoulder massage...

This a good solid opening story, dripping with festive fear. If you've got any little kids that are of the age when they believe in Santa Claus then DON'T let them watch this...you'll ruin Christmas for them for life.

STORY # 2 - "REFLECTION OF DEATH"

Businessman Carl Maitland is having an affair with his secretary Susan Blake. One night he leaves his wife and child and runs off with Susan to start a new life. However, thier hopes of romantic bliss are cut short when thier car skids off the road and crashes. Carl crawls from the wreckage and finds that time seems to have jumped forward - his wife has found a new man, Susan is blind from the injuries she sustained in the car crash and why do people scream in fear whenever they see Carl ?

A fairly simple story that plays out more like a sketch than a fully fledged tale. It's brevity is to it's credit though as this results in a nice taut little tale that has a sense of escalating horror.  From the moment of the car crash onwards the story is filmed from a first person P.O.V. - we see the events unfold through Carl's horrified eyes. This effectively adds to the character - and the audience's - sense of disorientation and panic and leads to a brutal twist. It's like a punchline to a sick joke and works brilliantly.

STORY # 3 - "POETIC JUSTICE"

Arthur Grimsdyke is a kindly old widower, he has befriended all the local children and looks after and cares for a bunch of stray dogs. His neighbour James Elliott and his father Edward believe that Grimsdyke lowers the tone of the neighbourhood, also they want him to sell his house so that they can develop the land that it inhabits. Grimsdyke doesn't want to move as he is happy there. James hatches a plot to get rid of Grimsdyke. James starts a "poison pen" letter campaign that results in Grimsdyke first losing his dogs and then being accused of being a child abuser. Heartbroken, Grimsdyke takes his own life...however - exactly one year to the anniversary of his suicide Grimsdyke rises from the grave looking for vengence...

This is by far the best story in the movie and is generally the one that makes the biggest impression on anyone who watches it. The reason ? Peter Cushing in the role of Grimsdyke. 

Even without Cushing playing him Grimsdyke would be a sympathetic character - he's a sweet lonely old man who misses his wife and just wants to look out for the local kids and the few stray dogs that he cares for. He becomes a victim of both his neighbours snobbery and greed. Cushing takes this character and crafts it into something even more heart wrenching.

Shortly before this film was made Cushing's beloved wife Helen died. By all accounts Helen had been his rock for many decades and her death totally shattered Cushing. He never got over it. For a while he considered suicide and also considered quitting acting. He eventually pulled himself together and gamely tried to get on with things, using his acting roles as a form of therapy.

As Arthur Grimsdyke Cushing pours his own grief into the character. The scenes where he's talking to his dead wife's photo ? That photo is actually a photo of Helen Cushing herself. Tellingly Grimsdyke's wife is also named Helen. Cushing later said that he'd always wanted to appear in a film with his wife and this was now the only way that he could do it. 

Cushing's own loneliness literally pours out of the screen via Grimsdyke. It's so effective that you can't see where Cushing ends and Grimsdyke begins. Cushing will absolutely break your heart. This is the only performance in a 70's British horror movie that has ever moved me to tears. Van Helsing, Baron Frankenstein, Doctor Who - all are brilliant Cushing characters but none of them hold a candle to poor lonely victimised Arthur Grimsdyke. The fact that he then rises from the grave as a cool looking zombie to have his revenge on the utter bastards that wronged him is just the icing on the cake.

STORY # 4 - "WISH YOU WHERE HERE"

Ralph Jason is a businessman who is close to bankruptcy. His wife Enid notices an inscription on a Chinese figurine in Ralph's collection that claims to grant the owner three wishes. Enid wishes for money to help them out. The next day Ralph dies of a heart attack whilst driving his car - scared to death by the figure of the Grim Reaper riding a motorcycle. The money from Ralph's life insurance is enough to pay off his business debts and so the first wish is granted. Grief stricken and horrified by the realisation of the consequences of her wish Enid makes a second wish - that Ralph comes back to life just as he was before the accident and to "never die". This wish is granted - the only problem being that Ralph has been embalmed and now the undying Ralph is being burned by the embalming fluid that courses through his veins...doomed to live forever in absolute agony...

This tale is basically a version of "The Monkey's Paw", the actual story itself is even mentioned - I suppose that's one way of paying homage to the story you're blatantly ripping off.

Joking aside, this is another strong segment. As a rule anthology movies usually have at least one duff tale but so far this film has been jam-packed with great stories. 

This is the only story where you actually feel sorry for the protaganist. Joanne Clayton, Carl Maitland and James Elliott in the first three stories all to a greater or lesser degree deserve the horrific fates that Karma deals them with. Poor old Ralph Jason however hasn't really done anything wrong to warrant what happens to him - he's just a businessman who made a few bad decisions - and yet Ralph gets it WORSE than anyone else in the ENTIRE FILM !!!! 

I think the law of karmic justice was having a bit of an "off day" perhaps...

STORY # 5 - "BLIND ALLEYS"

A home for the blind is taken over by a new superintendent- retired Major William Rogers. The ruthless military man cuts the budget of the already underfunded care home - the residents are forced to eat terrible food while the Major dines in luxury. Winter comes and while a snowstorm rages outside Rogers turns down the heating to "save money". That night one of the residents dies of Pneumonia. The angry blind men - led by George Carter - concoct a bloody scheme of revenge to teach the Major a lesson...

The final story is yet another great entry. Both Nigel Patrick and Patrick Magee give great performances as Major Rogers and George Carter. The story is essentially a battle of wills between the two men.

Carter is initially just a bit of an insubordinate but as Roger's list of wrongs against the residents in his charge increases Carter hits boiling point. Magee absolutely nails it. He was always an actor that had a strange air about him, every character he ever played seemed like they had something slightly "off" about them. Here that aspect is taken to the next level as Carter is consumed by righteous indignation and leads his people down a path of bloody vengence. After Cushing in "Poetic Justice", Magee gives the second best performance in the movie - you are rooting for Carter and can't wait to see him take down the pompous arrogant and uncaring Major Rogers. The act of revenge when it comes is oh so sweet and memorably macabre.

FRAMING STORY (EPILOGUE) - Everyone there has now told thier story. The Cryptkeeper reveals that the five people haven't been suffering from nightmares, rather they are remembering the circumstances of thier own deaths. They all died a long time ago and they are now in Hell's waiting room... ready to begin an eternity of suffering...

A predictable but satisfying punchline to the entire film (the protagonists in Amicus anthology films ALWAYS turn out to have been dead all along). Who's the first person to get pitched screaming into the fires Hell ? Poor old Ralph Jason of course...he must have REALLY pissed God off somewhere along the line.

SFX - Some pretty decent makeup effects for a low budget 70's film. Zombie Maitland when he finally sees his own reflection is pretty effective for starters...

Zombie Grimsdyke however is even better...

"Biker Death" is pretty cool looking too, even if it is blatantly a bloke wearing a cheap skull mask under a motorbike helmet...

VIOLENCE  - All five stories have thier memorable moments.

In the first story - Joan Collins smashes her husband's head in with a poker... cue lots of bright red emulsion paint blood...

You later get the "shoulder massage of death".

In the second story theres the fatal car crash. 

In the third story poor old Grimsdyke hangs himself and then comes back from the grave to rip out James Elliott's heart...

Horrifically it's still beating...

The hapless Ralph continues to get it both barrels in the fourth story. Resurected from the dead and screaming in agony, his stupid wife decides it would be a really good idea to put him out of his misery by chopping him up with an axe. Only problem being he now can't die. We are treated to the sight of Ralph's intestines being hit with an axe and his severed hand twitching as Ralph yells in agony...

Quick question - if Ralph is unable to be killed, how does he later end up in Hell ? Just wondering...

The fifth and final story gives us the macabre delight that is the corridor of razor blades. This thing was built by BLIND MEN ??? 

Major Rogers is forced to run down here in pitch darkness with a starved and hungry Alsatian chasing him. It doesn't end well...

RATING  - Tales From The Crypt is quite possibly the perfect horror anthology film - it's definitely the best out of the Amicus series at any rate. There's not a single bad story here. It's well shot, brilliantly acted (especially Cushing and Magee) and it perfectly captures the spirit of the old EC comics terror tales that it's based upon. 

I'm giving it 5 psycho Santa's out of 5. There really is something for everyone here. Give it a go if you haven't already.

POSTER/VHS/DVD ART  -

Above - the cover of the novelisation of the film - which now costs a small fortune on E-Bay (which is a bit of a bummer because I'd love to read it).