THE GIANT GILA MONSTER (1959)

DIRECTED by Ray Kellog.

SCREENPLAY by Jay Simms from a story by Ray Kellog.

STARRING - Don Sullivan as Chase Winstead,  Lisa Simone as Lisa,  Fred Graham as Sheriff Jeff,  Shug Fisher as "Old Man" Harris,  Janice Stone as Missy Winstead,  Bob Thompson as Mr Wheeler,  Ken Knox as Horatio Alger "Steamroller" Smith.

PLOT  - In a sleepy small town somewhere in America, terror stalks the night. In a local lovers lane, a young couple are parked up in thier car. Suddenly, out of the night stalks a giant Gila Monster, it attacks the young couple, killing them and destroying thier car.

The town Sheriff - Jeff - sets out to find the missing couple, he enlists the aid of a young man named Chase Winstead, a popular local muscian/hot rodder to help him. Chase finds the car wreck and also discovers a set of footprints, suggesting that the couple where attacked by a giant lizard.

In time, the giant Gila Monster becomes more bold, it starts attacking and destroying trucks, trains and yet more unsuspecting drivers. It must be stopped.

And then, one dark and terrible night, it attacks the town itself...

TAGLINE - "ONLY HELL COULD BREED SUCH AN ENORMOUS BEAST. ONLY GOD COULD DESTROY IT !" (Actually its destroyed by a teenager driving a car loaded with Nitroglycerin at its head, but let's not split hairs...)

PERFORMANCES  - This movie is absolutely packed to the rafters with unintentionally funny and dated performances, none of them are bad as such, just very of thier time. Let us start with Don Sullivan's performance as Chase Winstead, the film's hero. Sullivan portrays Chase as a fine, upstanding local citizen. A young man so wholesome that he makes Jesus Christ look like a Crack dealer in comparison. This is a young man who the town Sheriff defers to, a young man who picks up drunk drivers and gives them a place to stay for the night to sober up, this is a man who sings songs to a disabled child to cheer her up. Said song is called "The Mushroom Song" (don't ask me why, maybe he was on Mushrooms when he wrote it). The chorus goes "laugh children laugh, the Lord said, laugh children laugh, the Lord said, laugh children laugh" etc. etc. Sullivan composed this little ditty himself and plays it on the ukulele - the entire repetitive song lasts for about 3 minutes and it gets played in the movie TWICE ! Once to a disabled child and the second time in a dance hall full of thirty year old teenagers who all look like they wish they where somewhere else. It's awkward as hell and very funny. "Laugh children, laugh" yes, I'm sure children WOULD point and laugh at this man who insisted upon regaling them with terrible Christian campfire songs with such relentless enthusiasm. Chase also drives like a maniac in his vintage car at all times, even when the car is loaded with unstable Nitroglycerin he still takes corners on two wheels. Lunatic.

Fred Graham plays the town Sheriff, a man who appears to be called only Jeff. Jeff is...shall we say...very lax at his job. He's the type of Sheriff who will happily apprehend the town drunk sat behind the wheel of a car and check to see if he's OK to drive by smelling his breath. No breathalyser, no prison sentence or driving ban for endangering the lives of other road users, just a simple sniff of his breath and away he goes, even though the guy's blatantly off his head twenty four seven. Graham plays Jeff with a sense of old world charm, he's the friendly local lawman, the pillar of the community. Everyone loves Sheriff Jeff.

The aforementioned town drunk is "Old Man" Harris (who's not actually that old at all, he only looks about 50), Harris is played by Shug Fisher as a typical "comedy" drunk, because people with chronic alcoholism, drinking thier lives away in the grip of a terrible addiction are always amusing aren't they...

We get not one but two "hillarious" drunks for our our money in this film. The second in the form of "Steamroller" Smith as played by Ken Knox. Knox's performance is probably some of the worst "drunk acting" that has ever been committed to film. At least Shug Fisher seemed to be semi-convincingly sozzled, not so Knox who just slurs his words and staggers around like hes in an an amateur dramatics production. It can't be helped I suppose as Knox wasn't actually an actor, he was a D.J. in real life so had very little onscreen experience.

The other main performances are similarly limited. Lisa Simone as Lisa has little to do except talk in a French accent and be Chase's French girlfriend. Bob Thompson as Mr Wheeler is the town's local busybody who just shouts at people who annoy him, which is pretty much every other character in the film.

SFX - The effect of the "giant" lizard is achieved by getting hold of a real lizard and getting it to scramble over miniature sets and toy cars. The poor thing just looks confused half of the time.

Probably the best/worst moment that this happens is when the Gila Monster attacks and derails a speeding train. You'll never forget the sight of a pissed off looking lizard clambering over a knocked over child's trainset that has been set alight by a packet of Swan Vestas.

SEX & VIOLENCE  - A few hapless motorists get stomped underfoot and presumably there where fatalities in the train crash but you never see anything.

RATING  - A gloriously bad 50's B-movie. It's notable that the explanation given for the giant mutant lizard ISN'T actually radiation for once, instead you get some guff about dietary habits of animals instead. This Gila Monster is gigantic because its eaten too much seems to be the implication. I dont suppose 'The Morbidly Obese Gila Monster' has the same ring to it...

With its niave cast of characters, this film does evoke a sense of small town innocence and charm. Its a pleasant enough way to spend 75 minutes on a Saturday night with a few beers. I'm going to give this 3 laughing children out of 5. Good cheesy fun.

Also, this film had some great poster art...