LOBSTER MAN FROM MARS (1989)

DIRECTED by Stanley Sheff

SCREENPLAY by Stanley Sheff and Bob Greenberg

STARRING  -  Tony Curtis as J.P Sheldrake, Patrick Macknee as Professor Plocostomos, Deborah Foreman as Mary,  Anthony Hickox as John,  Dr. Demento as the Narrator,  S.D. Nemeth as The Lobster Man, Bobby "Boris" Pickett as The King of Mars/Astrologer, Fred Holliday as Colonel Ankrum.

PLOT  - Hollywood movie producer - J.P. Sheldrake - owes the tax man millions of dollars. Wishing to avoid paying, He hits upon a tax scam - if he can produce a movie which is a total box office flop he can claim the unpaid millions as expenses accrued during the making of the cinematic disaster. So, he sets out to produce a truly terrible movie.

Enter amateur filmmaker - Stevie Horowitz - who has made such a film - a love letter to the Sci-fi B-movies of the 1950's - "Lobster Man From Mars". Sheldrake attends a screening of the film and we - the audience - watch the movie through his eyes...

In the film within a film - Mars is a dying world, damaged after a severe leakage of air leaves the planet virtually uninhabitable. The King of Mars sends his finest warrior - the Lobster Man and his assistant - the ape-like Mombo to travel to the planet Earth and steal it's air.

A young couple - John and Mary - witness the Lobster Man's flying saucer land. The authorities dismiss thier story as a crank hoax until the Lobster Man goes on a rampage and starts shooting the local population with his skeletonising Death Ray. The only person who believes them is John's uncle - Professor Plocostomos. 

Can John, Mary and the Professor stop the terrifying Lobster Man before time runs out for Planet Earth ?

DIALOUGE - Schwartz (a U.S. Marine) - "Look at these glittery tracks leading into the cave..." Col. Ankrum - "DON'T TOUCH THAT !!! It might be ATOMIC !!!" Schwartz (doing a Geiger counter reading) - "You're right sir - it's halfway off the scale." Col. Ankrum - "I don't know if this menace is from Outer Space or Russia - but either way its the enemy - and we've gotta stop it before things get worse !!!"

PERFORMANCES - The performances in this film are incredibly authentic to those you would see in an actual 50's B-movie. The delivery of lines, the way people look, the exaggerated facial expressions - all are so spot on that it seems at times like you are actually watching a colourised version of a cheesy old movie rather than something that was made in more modern times.

Patrick Macknee as the Professor has some brilliant interplay with Fred Holliday's Colonel Ankrum. The two represent the classic military vs science dichotomy you always see in these types of films. The Colonel thinks the Professor is wasting time and just wants to blast the aliens, whilst the Professor thinks the military man is a gun toting buffoon and lets him know this in no uncertain terms. The two actors bounce off each other wonderfully and are clearly having great fun.

Hickox and Foreman are right on the money also as John and Mary - Hickox the square jawed and gentlemanly young male hero and Foreman his simpering girlfriend. Once again they are exactly the types of people you would see in these types of film, only played with a mischievous subversive glint in thier eyes. Foreman gets a great scene where she calls out the Professor, the Colonel and John for sending her out to make the tea whilst they discuss how to stop the aliens. This wouldn't have happened in a 50's sci-fi flick but her feminist outburst is soon quelled by being told not to worry her "pretty little head" - which is EXACTLY what would have happened in a film like this.

There are also many cameos from genre actors and personalities familiar to fans of horror and sci-fi, most noteworthy being Bobby "Boris" Pickett, purveyor of that Halloween party mainstay "The Monster Mash", playing the leader of the Martians.

The actor who disappoints is Curtis as Sheldrake, he could have really played up the characters sleazier elements  - making him a grotesque charicature of a Hollywood movie exec, instead he seems to sleepwalk through the role, required to do little more than comment sardonically on the film we are watching with him. It's like all the other actors are in it for the love of making a genuinely affectionate homage whilst Curtis just wants the paycheck so he can buy himself a new fridge freezer or something. A bit of a shame really.

SFX - Cheesiness abounds and quite right too. The design of the Lobster Man is great, suitably tacky and iconic looking at the same time, his face in  particular is very well done...

Maybe slightly more horrific than you would see in a genuine 50's movie but it's a great piece of makeup work. The Lobster Man's assistant - Mombo - is a nice touch too, being as he is a visual homage to the 50's film "Robot Monster", like that films titular monster, Mombo is a man in a monkey suit wearing a helmet over his head. In "Robot Monster" it was a diving helmet, in "Lobster Man" it looks more like a motorcycle helmet but the intention is clear enough and it's a great little in-joke/easter egg for fans of the genre.

The Death Ray is great too - turning it's victims into plastic skeletons just like in another 50's cult favourite "Teenagers From Outer Space". Once again it's slightly more gruesome than an authentic B-movie from that time would have been but it's still done really well. Oh, and the Lobster Man's deadly Space Bats are brilliantly shitty, you can even see the strings that they use to "fly".

SEX & VIOLENCE - As with a real 50's movie the sex and violence are relatively tame, it's all fun stuff  - death rays, laser guns and suchlike.

RATING  - This is a marvellous homage to a period of filmmaking that is long gone and much beloved of genre fans. Its attention to detail, both period and asthetic, is right on target. Even the filming locations are exactly those you would expect to see - the lonely desert highways evoking movies like "Them", the small town americana as seen in films like "The Blob" also being evident.

There are even several scenes filmed in and around Bronson Cave, a famous movie location that was often used in sci-fi films of that period and is still used in B-movies made to this very day. All in all, its a bit of a visual feast, lovingly steeped in detail and atmosphere, perfectly evoking that which it sets out to do.

The only weak link is the framing scenes set in the "real" world - they are completely unnecessary. It's like the filmmakers needed to give a reason for making a homage to a bygone era instead of just cracking on and doing it. The love for the time clearly shines through, so why did they feel the need to add Curtis's character sitting there making "ironic", cynical comments about what we are watching ? It's forced, it feels tacked on, it adds nothing to the overall proceedings whatsoever and Curtis's performance lets the side down. 

It feels like the writer and director wanted to have thier cake and eat it and it slows the whole film down. It doesn't derail the film but its definitely at odds with the rest of the movie and it does make me wonder if it was added by the studio at a later date. Ours is not to reason why, sadly.

Overall - 3 intrusive Tony's out of 5. Flawed, but still good regardless.

Look, just piss off Tony !!!!!