THE DEADLY SPAWN (1983)

 DIRECTOR and SCREENPLAY  - Douglas McKeown 

 STARRING - Charles George Hildebrant as George, Tom DeFranco as Pete

PLOT - A meteorite crashlands in New Jersey one night. Attached to it is a savage alien life form. The alien makes short work of two campers and then flees into the cellar of an old house in a nearby town.

 Once there it grows rapidly by feasting on the owners of the house and a workman who venture down into the cellar. Soon only the dead couples two sons -  Charles and his older brother Pete - and thier teenage friends, are all that stand between the alien creature and its deadly spawn from breeding further and spreading its alien vileness into the surrounding town and the world at large.....

CLASSIC DIALOUGE - Charles's Gran - " Do you know what I've always wanted ? A really handsome Gorrilla...." (No, I'm not gonna explain the context of this quote, you're just going to have to watch the film.....)

Slogan onscreen after end credits - " Don't try it Gary !" ( Nope, I have ABSOLUTELY no idea either.)

PERFORMANCES  - 99.9 percent of the acting in this movie is across the board awful. Special ire is reserved for Tom Defranco as Pete who insists on delivering every line of dialogue he's given in a drugged up sounding monotone - even when he's in the process of being menaced by a carnivorous alien life form which has just swallowed his girlfriends head.

 Hildebrant is a little better, you can at least let him off for being a bit shit on the grounds of him being about 11 years old. Child actors back in the early 80's just weren't trained to the same level as they are now, so he's ok really. Still, you don't go into a movie called " The Deadly Spawn " expecting Lawrence Olivier style performances do you....

SFX - Some absolutely top notch gore FX in this movie. SEE middle aged women and teenagers get thier heads bitten off !!!!! SEE a man getting his eyes eaten !!!!! SEE a dinner party of old ladies get menaced by penises with teeth !!!!! Did I mention that the main alien looks like a penis with teeth ? No ? Well, see what you think...

I'm right aren't I ? 

More accurately, its like a big, pink ballsack with a case of Penile Dentata for a head and two smaller toothy tallywhackers for arms. Then you get the aforementioned spawn themselves - One character describes them as "tadpoles"....

No - still looks like a knob to me.

Particularly funny is the scene where a bunch of old ladies get menaced, particularly nasty is when young Charles sees his Mum's severed head get gobbled up.

I mean, it doesn't look remotely realistic but still...

VIOLENCE - Strong, cartoony and graphic - I wouldn't advise eating a Pizza whilst watching this film.

RATING - This film is basically a 50's B-Movie done with an 80's straight to V.H.S. budget and sensibilities. It's basically a love letter to the 50's with added lashings of gore. Even the music is that Theremin style of music that used to appear on movies like "The Day The Earth Stood Still" etc. In fact the whole film is very atmospheric - the sound of heavy rain is constantly being heard in the background, the house that 90 percent of the story takes place in is a great setting - it looks old and creaky and slightly shabby and shadowy. In fact that pretty much sums up the whole film - shabby but with a hell of a lot of charm.

I'm giving this film 3 carnivorous cocks out of 5. Check it out.