R.O.T.O.R (1987)

Directed by Cullen Blaine. Screenplay by Cullen Blaine & Budd Lewis.

Starring- Richard Gesswein as Barrett .C. Coldyron,  Jayne Smith as Dr. Steele,  Margaret Trigg as Sonya,  Carrol Brandon Baker as R.O.T.O.R 

PLOT - it is the near future (well, the late 80's in any case), Crime is eating away society like a cancer but don't worry as maverick scientists - Barrett C. Coldyron and Dr Steele have the solution. 

That solution is R.O.T.O.R  (Robotic Officer Tactical Operation Research - don't you just love a senseless acronym?). The aforementioned R.O.T.O.R is an android cop, the problem is he's been activated too early and he's gone rogue and now he's hunting down law breakers using lethal force. Thing is, R.O.T.O.R's definition of a law breaker may differ from yours or mine - ANY crime, no matter how small or petty, is eligible for the maximum penalty - DEATH.

So it comes to pass that R.O.T.O.R takes it upon himself (Itself ???), to doggedly pursue a terrified young woman (Sonya) for a mild speeding offence, he brutally kills her boyfriend and now he's coming for Sonya. Its up to Coldyron and Steele to stop R.O.T.O.R before his deadly judgment can be carried out....

CLASSIC DIALOUGE - Coldyron ( to his superior after R.O.T.O.R goes awol ) - " Let me tell you something, Mister. You fire me and I'll make more noise than two skeletons making love in a tin coffin, brother !!!"

Token Native American character chatting up a lady scientist-   "Once you go red, you never get out of bed." - which,  perhaps surprisingly, doesn't earn him a swift knee in the testicles.

PERFORMANCES  - Richard Gesswein as Coldyron - Barrett C Coldyron is a man of action who lives on a farm, gives cups of coffee to his horse and likes to blow up trees with dynamite for a hobby, along with building homicidal Robocop rip-offs. 

Gesswein imbues him with a kind of rugged weariness and cynicism that adds charm to the character and his various quirks make him a fun character to spend time watching. Its hard to judge his full performance completely as Gesswein's voice was dubbed with another actors after filming, giving Coldyron a tough guy drawl when speaking (maybe Gesswein didn't sound hard enough), but he certainly embodies the character competently enough.

Jayne Smith as Dr Steele - Ahh Dr Steele....what can I say ? This woman makes Vin Diesel look like a flyweight in comparison. To put it mildly...she's henched. I've not found much info on Jayne Smith but she was clearly a female bodybuilder of some sort, she's in better condition and more physically intimidating than the bloke playing R.O.T.O.R. 

 Also, she has an 80's mullet with a streak of white hair going through it, a bit like Rogue from the X-Men. The skunk stripe hair is one of the more amusing continuity problems in this film as sometimes the grey streak is right down the middle of her hair, in other scenes her streak is at her temples only, and it also varies wildly in colour too, ranging from various shades of iron grey through to outright snow white depending on what part of the film it is.  She also has a one on one fight with R.O.T.O.R which doesn't end well for her. Yep, Steele is cool.

Carrol Brandon Baker as R.O.T.O.R -  So,  you've got to cast someone to play a rampaging cyborg cop, do you  - A) Cast an actor with an imposing physique - an Arnie Schwarzenegger brick shithouse type for instance ?.

 Or perhaps you could choose B) Somebody who has a  tall, gangly, lithe physicality about them - the sort of wiry, thin type that still looks like he could snap you in half just by looking at you. 

Or option C) You cast a middle aged dad with a beer belly and a 70's porn star moustache. That's right, they picked option C, plus his name is Carrol. That's your future of law enforcement right there - a chubby man with a girls name wearing motor cycle leathers that make him look like the cop from the Village People. To be fair he does do his own stunts, for example - walking through and knocking over a row of plastic chairs when he breaks his programming and go's rogue, yeah, this is R.O.T.O.R- fear him !!!!!

S.F.X - There's some nice stop motion FX for R.O.T.O.R when he's in his exo-skeleton mode, let down by the fact that even though he's meant to be in the same room as a bunch of scientists, he's clearly not. Instead of interacting onscreen with anybody he just stands there doing whats supposed to be some kind of robot kung-fu moves but in actuality look more like he's practicing to be a lollipop man at a school crossing.

Violence - Theres an hilarious fight scene when R.O.T.O.R takes down a bunch of drunken hillbillies in a bar, particularly the fat redneck who attempts to do Kung-fu only to get swatted aside like a fly by R.O.T.O.R. 

The end fight between R.O.T.O.R and Steele looks like it would have been good but seeing as most of it takes place in the background, several feet away, whilst the viewer is distracted by what's happening in the foreground, you actually see very little of it.

RATING - This film is deeply flawed in every imaginable way that a movie can be flawed, but it's great fun nonetheless and a perfect way to while away an hour or so on a Saturday night with a few beers. Overall rating - 3 overweight pornstar cops out of 5. Check it out.